Hocus Pocus (Blu Ray)
Recently I was commanded by my significant other to watch
this movie with her, I said ne! She then
made an offer I can’t refuse. She would
watch die hard if I watched this. I
obliged. My thoughts at first were that
it was a standard Halloween Disney movie I had seen before. It feels almost
Goosebumpish with a bit more humor. So
on to the story, it’s a fairy tale about three witch sisters( Sarah Jessica
Parker in her only role where she is hot, Bette Midler, and well shit I don’t
know the others name) These three had been stealing children’s youth via a
magic potion for years when they fuck with the wrong villagers. They murder one child and put a spell on
another that turns him into a fucking cat!! A cat that lives forever!!! So the villagers show up and hang these
filthy whore witches for their crimes.
Fast forward to modern day (1993) three hundred years later
and it’s all hallows eve. Well the new
kid in town is from L.A. and he doesn't believe in this Halloween bullshit,
despite the fact that the entire town is obsessed with Halloween. These people are fucking shot in the head, what
kind of town loves Halloween this much!?!
Everyone decorates and everyone parties on Halloween. (I’d like to see
the STD rates) Well Max the new kid
pretty much calls his teacher out on bullshit and is immediately hit with the 8th
grader with the big tits comments on Halloween.
(She loves it too) So being the
bad ass Max is he gives her his number which she later on gives back to him in a
“go fuck yourself” moment. Even though
you can tell she totally wants the wang.
So now Max has a huge dilemma, his parents want him to take
his lil sis trick or treating (she is the best part of the movie, reminds me of the little girl
from adventures in babysitting) and he hates the new town and Halloween and all
he wants to do is stay home and jerk off to Allison…(ok last part is unconfirmed
but being a young lad once that’s what I’d be doing) He takes his lil sis out to trick or treat
and out of nowhere runs into Allison.
Together they decide to go visit the three witch’s old house; you know
the one that they were hanged in front of.
So it had been converted to a museum which unfortunately is now
closed.
After committing breaking and entering and going into the
house they start reading the folklore and come across the black flame
candle…What the fuck!? The legend states
if a virgin lights the candle on all hallows eve the witches will be
resurrected. So Max trying to impress
Allison lights the candle, guess what happens!
The fucking witches come back! So
not only is max stupid but we now know he is also a virgin! Loser!
So after a face off with the witches Max, Allison, and lil sis escape
with the witches spell book off into the night to go home. Guess who goes along with the children...The fucking cat! The cat informs them as to what they did and is in with the gang to help.
The rest of the movie is the witches roaming the streets
discovering modern day America, and how things have changed. I have to admit some of these scenes are
pretty funny and appeal to the little kid in me. Scenes where the witches ride the bus or go into the adult part and put a spell on all the adults in town to stay at the orgy...er I mean Halloween party aren't bad but for sure are filler. The witches catch up to the kids again and
are tricked and killed in a pottery oven.
All is well and Allison is now laying on Max’s boner…err I mean chest
sleeping, when Max decides to open the book.
Well the book emits a beacon to the witches which are…you guessed
it. Not dead! The witches invade and steal the book and lil
sis as well. A chase ensues and ends on
hallowed ground in a grave yard. They
battle until sun up which is when the witches will die, and all of a sudden
they explode. So Max, lil sis, and
Allison live happily ever after. I
assume Max gets to second base and lil sis gets to go home and not die. The movie is not horrible, just a little outlandish, which it should be I suppose.
Now on to the specs, the video quality as well as sound is
really well done considering it is a Disney movie from 1993 with a “cult”
following. The image quality is clear
and well balanced. A little grain does
shine through but it might be the way it was filmed. Either way the colors are bright and the picture
quality is nice and clean. Sound is nice
and clean with the 5.1 out but with a movie like this surround does not matter.
Bottom line if you’re a fan of the film the blu ray is worth the purchase.
While I cant say I hated my time with this movie, in fact I kind of enjoyed it. It will not be added to my favorites list but it is for sure watchable, especially if you're up for some early 90's Disney fun.
Man Die Hard is a good movie…
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